. As a grandchild I saw my grandma(R,I,P) showed favourism among her children even to her grand children. She most times make comments like this “Shola is better than you in taking care of me”. I know there is no such thing as an “ideal parent” but we can be better at our parenting obligations if we choose.
Parents will do more harm than good if we deny that we don’t compare our children with each other at one point or the other. We need to be honest with ourselves because it happens in some homes. The way our children turn out whether good/bad is as a result of the kind words we say, our actions and the decisions we make as parents.
Jealousy, hatred and also killing of ones siblings destroyed a lot of families in the past and it is still existing now because we allow comparison
I came across this story online:
I was 24 years old when I finally learned to embrace my individuality. I spent most of my childhood hating who I was and wishing I was different. My low self-esteem and self-confidence would often be triggered by comments made by my mother. When I was in high school, if I was doing well at English, it didn’t matter to her because I was struggling in Chemistry and Physics – subjects my older brother excelled in. When I was accepted into university to study Psychology, she didn’t bat an eyelid because I had failed to secure a spot in my brother’s university. What hurt me the most was when she would yell at me, “Why can’t you be more like your sister?”
Like I wrote in my previous post (Do not compare your child with others)…
When one of our child is doing better academically than the other(s) we shouldn’t allow other child(ren) feel they are not good enough by the kind of comments/statement we pass verbally
Comparisons most time stir up feelings of inadequacy in a child.
we need to understand that we are the first teachers of our children and they look up to us and we are the ones they come to when they are low. it is our responsibility to strive to put our best foot forward, so that our children can grow each day in a positive environment.
I once experience a colleague comparing her first son’s academic performance with his younger sister. She said a lot of words out of annoyance that where not encouraging at all. When the boy left, i called her into serious order. I wasn’t married then but i knew it was very wrong to do that.
Parents should teach their children how to be better each day and not how to be better than their siblings/counterparts.