LOVING WITHOUT PREFERENCE


LOVE  is an important component in a parent-child relationship. Loving our children unconditionally helps us as parents  to appreciate each child uniqueness. 

Unconditional love is a major challenge for some of us parents yet it is one of the most precious gift we can give our children. Rivalry and jealousy between siblings is inevitable in some homes  as a result of parents showing that they love one child more than the other(s) and also by comparing them with each other. Some parents can’t do without having a favorite among their children. A child might remind us of our childhood, or has a gifting or talent we wished we had, or a child is more bold and outspoken among her siblings or an unforgettable experience that happen around the birth of the child e.t.c the list for having favorites can go on and on. We may not plan to have a favorite but we just end up finding ourselves not able to say no to one or two of our children. When our children can pin point who we love most in the family we are already giving room for jealousy between our children.

A six year old with a new born baby brother would flatter his mother by saying sweetly. ‘’ you’re my very best mommy in the whole world. “Am I your best little boy?” Try to resist the temptation of affirming that you love one kid more than the other(s) to avoid parental love being conditional but rather to be permanent and unqualified.

Parents must learn not to expect to much from any child.
Every child desires to be daddy and mummy precious and wants to be loved the most than his/her siblings. It is our job as parents to be fair and love them appropriately. Our kids perceive love in different ways e.g thru attention, affections, by giving them everything they ask for etc. 
I use to try figure out who my parents love most especially my mum while growing up but until now that we are all married i still can’t tell who she love the most. When am sick the care and attention I received from my mum is the same I see when my siblings are sick. I can same in other areas too. When she says no, it applys to me and my siblings.

When children are busy thinking about who their parents love most, our focus as parents is to give each child the same amount of time and attention they all deserve.  A lot of siblings rivalry are caused because some of us parents obviously show who we love most or mistakenly believe they can love and treat everyone equally. Knowing he/she is loved unconditionally for who they are can go a long way in compensating a child for having to share her parents’ love and attention with her siblings. 

I want us to understand that the best gift we can give to our children as parents is for them to have good  relationship with each other. We should consciously make an effort to bond them together so that when we are no longer alive they will keep holding each other.

It is very vital for us parents to try as much as possible not to show preference with our kids. We express our unconditional love towards our children without setting standard. We must not give them the impression that our love has to be earn by good performance, or by academic performance, or by having a particular special gifting etc by putting our child(ren) in an unwanted pressure of how to win mummy or daddy:s heart.

Parents should express their unconditional love for their children, as well as provide them with the continued support they need to become self-assured and happy. Being ready to apologize, listening to how the other person feels and showing you appreciate their position is a critical skill for building strong and supportive family relationships. We can also cultivate a separate distinct bond with each child. 

Your child wants the assurance that he/she has a special spot reserved for them in your heart always.
Yours truly,
Toke

TIPS FOR PARENTING
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