SHOWING LOVE WITHOUT PREFERENCE


Thou it is said that having a favorite in the family is inevitable but some families ensures/insist that favourism  doesn’t exist in theirs. Having a favorite child makes us as parents never to see the child’s wrong doing. 

When we(parents)  prefer one of your children over another, the effects can be devastating says Sue Webster

Having favorites in the family can have serious, long-lasting consequences for both the favored child and the other children in the family even when they become adults they still remember how one sibling was always favored over them. That is why, it is very important for us parents not to have favorite among our children. I will not rule out the possibility of some parents who can’t do without having a favorite son/daughter whichever the case, keep it hidden from your children.  Longer-term favoritism can extremely damage the  relationship between siblings and the feeling of  being ignored next to their siblings can make siblings nurse hatred for themselves. 

It is our responsibility as parents to regulate ourselves by making sure that one child isn’t given more favor than the other children. Parents rarely admit that they favor one child over another. Its OK to give preference/ favor  to all our children at one point or the other but when it becomes a norm that one child is always favored over the others then there is a problem. We can also cultivate a separate distinct bond with each child. Your child wants the assurance that he/she has a special spot reserved for them in your heart always.

There are times we parents favor one child more because he gives us less hassle yet You hear some parents make comments like this ” I love my children equally and treat them equally. 

Loving without preference is also when we give house rules, we should ensure that it is abiding to all. I feel it is not healthy when kids makes comment like “ I am daddy’s favorite” “mum will give me everything I ask for because am her babydoll” which will make the children believe they can break your rules and get away with it. division will begin to set in if it continues. No matter  who you love most or how u feel one child is special to you than the other , please keep it to yourself. Each child has the right to your love, affection and time. Have heard of how a sibling nursed killing her brother because he always breaks their mother rules and gets away with it But if she act same way as her brother, she gets it hurt with the mother.
Loving each child base on their uniqueness also involves not comparing them among themselves or with your relatives children or friends children etc.
“comparison” is counter-productive for anyone. But it is all the more debasing for children. Children are tender beings who don’t respond well to negative criticism. And if the criticism involves telling a child how is other siblings are better than him/her  in some way, then it is all the more painful. This does not mean that we shouldn’t point out their mistakes and help them improve, but anything beyond this is harmful.

Yours truly,
Toke

TIPS FOR PARENTING
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