KEEP IT PRIVATE (CONCLUSION)


It is normal and healthy for a relationship to have conflicts but when this conflicts become hostile or aggressive between parents, it is unhealthy and should be privately sorted out. 

Few days ago between the hours of 10 and 11(pm), my next door neighbor asked his wife to move out of the house with five children. He practically threw her belongings out from the balcony. I could not pin point the cause of the quarrel. One thing he couldn’t handle was the fact that his wife pushed him and possibly he fell to the ground in the process.

I quote him, “she pushed me, me man” she pushed a man” “she has no respect for man” “she has to go”  he repeated it with so much anger. Its possible that his wife did that out of self defense. I said to myself, your wife pushed you, and you fell, so what? Is it forbidden for a man to fall? If you fall then get up. It is as simple as that. He should be grateful it happened inside the home. 

You don’t rule your home as a man with a “fist”. It doesn’t in anyway make you much of a man . That incident made me remember my growing up days when my father practically beat my mother, sometimes with injury. sigh! He will throw out all her belongings, make her sleep outside all through the night on several occasions. I understood the children’s feelings at that moment. I just wonder why parents choose to put their children through emotional trauma.  

When children grow under this atmosphere then they start believing it is the way to live life. This is why a child  will engage himself/herself in aggressive behavior such as picking fight with other children or use physical force  to prove a point or get what they want. Some children might even go into depression, having trouble in listening or following instructions. Some children as they grow older will throw objects, brake bottles and sometimes stab in a fight, because of all they have seen or experienced from their parents. Some children can also become depressed and become introverts.
I once told myself in the past that I wasn’t going to get married because I was afraid of having the kind of marriage my mother had. It affected my relationships and I became very suspicious, insecure and most times moody.  I lost amazing guys along the line but thanks to God, I married the best “smiles”. Children have little experience in coping with their emotions. It can take some longer time to work-out how they feel and what they are going to do about it.

The kind of environment we often provide our child(ren)  has things that trigger wanted/ unwanted behaviour in them.

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